Message to the Caregivers (Blog Post #1)

To understand my respect for caregivers, I first must share a vulnerable piece of my personal life. My father lived a loving life as a husband to my mother and father to my siblings and me. A loving life as a mentor, a friend, and a proud grandfather to his only granddaughter. Like many before me and many after, my father became ill and the responsibility was my family’s and mine to bare.

It’s difficult to see our loved ones in such a frail state as their health deteriorates right before our eyes— a reality of life only a fellow caregiver can relate with.

If the constitution of caregiving existed, the first law would be to sacrifice.

It’s a selfless effort to stand besides your loved one and provide them with support while fighting against their condition together.

Thinking back to when I became a caregiver, I battled with many emotions throughout the days. Joy when I greeted my father and sadness as I departed. Anger and a state of helplessness as his condition worsened and frustration when dealing with the medical staff overseeing his care. I felt lost as I navigated the complicated roads of social services and the lack of caregiver support available.

We tend to learn in hindsight as we reflect on our experiences. Till this day, a dark cloud hoovers over my head when I think about the lack of caregiver support my family and I received during those dark times. The lack of support is what motivated me to learn about caregiver services available and assist other caregivers along their journey with resources and insight on what to expect when everything else around them seems to be crashing down.

It was 2013 when I began to get a sense of what caregiving entailed of. While an employee at Montefiore Hospital, and with the support of the House Call Program, I coordinated multiple caregiver events with the goal being to acknowledge those caregivers in the Bronx for their ongoing hard work and to let them know one very important thing— you are not alone!

City agencies and non-profit organizations were invited to participate in the events. City agencies like the Department of Aging and non-profit organizations like God’s Love We Deliver were some of who were present. We were fortunate to have community leaders like Aurelia Greene in attendance who also shared her personal story as a caregiver.

The presence of Raj from Brahma Kumaris Manhattan Medication Center left a lasting impression of self-care with all in attendance. Raj led the audience in a session of meditation, and relaxation techniques which included breathing and stretching exercises. As important as self-care is, caregivers tend to neglect their own well-being while caring for their loved ones. Meditation and yoga can serve as respite for caregivers to decompress and manage their own emotions even if it’s only for half an hour a day.

What I learned about caregiving is that we are not alone. And because we are not alone, there are organizations who specifically service caregivers in need. Some of those services may include telephonic counseling, case management, or potential short-term home care services. Support, encouragement, and guidance is needed to motivate and inspire those who selflessly put their lives on hold. Support, encouragement, and guidance is needed to motivate and inspire those who have taken a leave of absence from their place of employment and those who have put their educational goals off till next semester.

In New York City, I can think of two organizations who work closely with caregivers: PSS Caregiving and the Alzheimer’s Association. For over 20 years they have serviced the community and continue to so do while educating people on what caregiving truly is and can be for others.

Caregiving taught me the true meaning of unconditional love.
I’ve included the following resources which you can access and/or share with others in the New York City area:

• https://pssusa.org
• https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving
• NYC Department of the Aging

James J. Hernandez
jjh